Note: due to the editor's computer issues, the next issue of TCW Beatdown will be delayed, however I didn't think it was fair for me to deny you your dose of Dirk Penley for the session, so here's my review of the last show in a new feature entitled "The Penley Postmortem"!

TCW Havoc, LIVE from Il Palavela in Tornio, Italy!

November 3rd

Tex and Banter bicker to kick us off - well at least they're not lying about what we can expect for the rest of the show. Cain informs us that they have a show that "won't disappoint [us]" - reviews are my job not yours, Isaiah.

We're straight off backstage and apparently MVC haven't show up yet or something. They'll forfeit the titles if they don't show! Banter guesses they got drunk which would make for an interesting match against Team Simpson's Refrence.

Quick cut and it's Hammer and Highone in the ring. Hammer is calling conspiracy again - he should get a t-shirt made with that on - and Highone informs us that Infinity cannot be contained. Good to know. They hype the number one contender match and both guys say how they won't belying down blah blah blah straight down the middle, fair athletic contest blah blah blah. Nice heel rhetoric, but I don't know if it's what I want to hear first thing in the show. Apparently there's going to be no interference at all in this match for a title shot between two members of the same stable. Alright guys, we get it...it's going to be screwy. Handshake to end with a smirk from both of the Aitches which isn't quite a wink and then it's DANTE~!! The champ pretty much repeats what we just heard yadda yadda yadda - he isn't scared apparently.

"Don't make a mess for me to clean up," someone says, and it's Bruce! He walks out and, judging by his hat and cowboy boots I guess it's Hick Bruce again this time. Highone second guesses everyone watching and asks if Bruce and Dante are BFFs again but apparently we're all wrong and Hick Bruce is actually Random Authority Figure #208. Well I can live with that - Bruce = RATINGS after all. He tells the Aitches that there's going to be no draws, not on his watch, no sir, and Hammer is protesting his innocence. Dante looks happy, but then Bruce tells him that the title match is going to be a Hell in a Cell! Whoa. All the guy did was smile because he only has to defend his belt against one opponent rather than two of them who are on the same side, but whatever. Everyone is STUNNED and Bruce leaves. According to Banter, Bruce is going to be totally neutral as Enforcer or whatever he is. Actually, they did this pretty well seeing as Bruce has a reason to hate pretty much everyone at the top of the card at the moment, so we probably won't see too many crazy babyface commissioner antics ("Right here: in the year 2156...!") or heelish shenanigans, though god knows D&D could do with someone as a decent foil.

Commercial.

Professor Evil vs. Green Super Stealth Ninja

I don't know who either of these guys are, but judging by their names I'm guessing we're not supposed to be taking this one 100% seriously. Cain tells us that this is some sort of unofficial Aftershock Title qualifier, which is fine with me - at least as a comedy belt it has some focus rather than being Jobberweight Belt or whatever.

GSSN is bright green and comes out to a Silverchair song. I could do without Banter explaining the joke to me, but it's still pretty funny. Prof. Evil looks like a robot. Um...okay. He's about a foot taller than his opponent, so this should be fun.

Lockup, and GSSN darts around for a dropkick to the back. He trips the robot guy and the tries a crossbody. The Prof. catches him though, presumably because he's a cyborg from the future, and nails a belly-to-belly. Banter helpfully points out that Prof. Evil is bigger even than Tex. Great.

Evil gets some stomps and GSSN takes a powder. Evil smartly goes to the opposite side of the ring to head him off at the pass. That might be the first time anyone's done that, and I'm slightly disappointed that we had to wait for a giant silver, blue, and red robot to figure it out. Evil walks to where GSSN is hiding and hits an old woman in the face as he passes. Wow. That is pretty evil. I'm more amazed they could find an 80 year-old stuntwoman to plant in the audience to be honest though. GSSN heads back in the ring where he sees his opponent coming and Evil heads back in too. What, so that whole sequence was so Prof. Evil could hit an old woman? Alright then.

GSSN gets some chops, which I'm not sure will be entirely effective against an adamantium shell. GSSN hands out the Ninja Kicks (tm) to the good professor and finally brings him down. Split legged moonsault gets a comically slow 2. GSSN tries a float-over DDT, but Evil counters and he eats mat. Big clothesline, and Evil is TIRED~!! at 3.06 minutes in by may watch. Probably all that armour.

Suddenly, there's a guy in an Iranian shirt and a ski-mask walking down the ramp with a gun to the head of a kid in a GSSN head. That's pretty funny, but a tad tasteless maybe. This guy is pretty evil. This is too much even for Banter apparently. GSSN is distracted by the bizarre display and Evil nails a german suplex and then a northern lights suplex. Apparently that's his finisher according to Tex and it gets 3 at 4.43.

Eh...as a wrestling match it was a straight DUD, but I'll give it * for the comedy goings-on.

Winner: Professor Evil

Oooh....and apparently the kid was in on it all along. Prof. Evil gives him five bucks and then an EEEEVIL double-arm DDT. Well, it's better than a David Hardy promo I suppose.

We're backstage now and MVC are still missing apparently. Team Simpson's Reference are here and Joey Joe Joe takes time out from his busy schedule of being a nobody to imply that Kermit has killed them or something. The tag match is up next though, so I guess we'll find out.

LBA vs. MVC (tag titles on the line)

And it's...DeSean Blackwell? Um...ok. Oh, apparently he's on guest commentary. This should be interesting, I suppose.

Team Simpson's Reference head out to a pretty lukewarm reaction though everyone starts booing when Kermit gets the microphone. I guess these fans are smarter than I thought. Kermit says MVC don't like Torino because it smells. What are they, six? Predictably, he's soon interrupted by MVC's music and they're in a black Trans Am? Doubleyoo Tee Eff? Uh, ok, it's something to do with Burt Reynolds apparently. The fans seem into it, though if I don't get the reference I'm not sure how a bunch of Italians do. MVC chant and the tag champs get in the ring, only to get blindsided by TSR.

Kermit kicks Hawk off the apron as the bell rings while JE takes down Hayes. TSR start double-teaming Hayes until Kermit gets ordered out of the ring. Tex namedrops the Road Warriors, only for DeSean to immediately refer to them as "LOD". Heh...that's both funny and sad. JE unloads on Hayes with Generic Heel Offense (tm) and Tex for some reason says he has "moves like a tiger". Claws and biting? JE tries some kicks but gets elbowed before bringing Hayes down and getting a pretty sloppy cross-armbreaker.

DeSean helpfully informs us that, if he were doing the move and doing it correctly like the technical master that he is, Hayes would be tapping out. This is from a guy whose finisher is dropping someone on their head. DeSean is also single, apparently.

JE turns his armbar into a sleeper but Hayes fights out. Irish whip and they go in opposite directions so Kermit can get a blind tag and a nice missile dropkick on Hayes. DeSean tells us that Kermit is good, but he isn't Infinity good and that everyone in the ring sucks compared to them. Cain reminds him who he lost the tag belts to.

Back in the ring, Kermit hits a Russian legsweep and then covers, but Hawk breaks it up at 2. The crowd are still behind MVC and Kermit distracts the ref. before jabbing his thumb into Hayes's throat, turning it into a headlock as soon as the ref. turns back. Hawk tries to get involved, distracting the official again, so Kermit repeats his heel antics. DeSean then manages to say "fuck" on live television - this is why you don't put him on commentary, guys.

Kermit gets a neckbreaker and then throws Hayes out of the ring and DeSean taunts him, saying he'll lose the titles tonight. So DeSean wants them to lose? Wouldn't that make TSR a better team than MVC and then DeSean and Shadow would be even less likely to get the belts back? That's if they even want to. This tag division needs some direction.

Kermit gets a baseball slide on the distracted Hayes which Tex calls a "slider kick", a term I've never heard before and hope never to again. I think it was to facilitate a joke or something. Kermit works the leg making Hayes YOUR Face In Peril before tagging in JE, who hilariously misses a leg drop. God I hope that was on purpose. Kermit tags himself in in disgust as Hayes tries to make the tag. He stops the hot tag and gets a German suplex followed by a dropkick to the face. He tags in JE and hits the springboard tornado DDT which I'm pretty sure is Freya's finisher. They should probably lock that down. JE follows with a frog splash, but Hawk drags Frankie out of the way. JE is out for some reason, having executed a grand total of two botched moves.

Hayes finally makes the hot tag and Hawk cleans house with some elbows and a stalling slingshot suplex before getting taken down by a kick from Kermit. Hayes is back in action, apparently proving that they don't teach their wrestlers how to sell in Japan and it's BONZO GONZO~!!! As Hayes takes Kermit out of the ring with a tackle from behind. They keep brawling outside and JE stands there staring at them long enough for Hawk to lariat him to death for the pin at 9.12.

Match was kind of all over the place, but the fans were into it and most of the action was solid. ** ½

Winners and still the champs: MVC

DeSean pretends like he's going to attack, but just grins and walks off. We go to commercial.

We come back and Barn and Flehr are looking for ice cream. Flehr doesn't have his robe on, which I guess is meant to be funny, but mostly it just grosses everyone out. Barn has to go buy ice cream, and then Bruce is there. He and Flehr say ‘wheeeeee' a lot and Bruce remarks on the Aftershock Belt which has ice cream all over it - hey, I'd rather see it covered in ice cream than around Pat_WoW's waist. Flehr is still calling it the "WWF Title" which I assume is because of copyright. Bruce tells him to keep in shape for a big title match at Stranglehold and Barn and Bruce take some time out to explain the joke to us for a while. Flehr's a guy called Roger Adams who thinks he's Ric Flair in the 80s. Thanks for that, guys. Flehr is "the dirtiest player in the game" Bruce quips as he leaves. It's a laugh a minute on TCW!

Dick Flehr vs. Mr. Acceptable (non title)

Mr. Acceptable is totally average. I have to admit, that's a pretty decent gimmick. Flehr is out to a big reaction and we start off with him messing up the strut. Acceptable gets some incredibly average elbow drops, then a knee and a chinlock. There's some shots of the crowd and they actually have plants saying stuff like "Not bad!". This is pretty funny. The announcers are playing up how average Mr. Acceptable is without actually saying anything out of the ordinary. Acceptable works the neck...and works the neck...and works the neck. Okay, I get how he's average, can we do something with this match though? Flehr gets whipped into the corner and attempts the Flair Flip, but the ring has been gimmicked so the turnbuckle breaks. At least, I hope it was gimmicked...

Flehr waddles up the apron and gets clothesline by Mr. Acceptable. And then tries a bodyslam once he's back in the ring only for Flehr to fall on top of him for a 2 count. They repeat this twice more. Flehr finally gets up and sits on Acceptable's leg followed by a missed stomp. Acceptable kicks Flehr in the knee and then locks in a sleeper and looks like he's out, but Barn revives him with ice cream at ringside. Flehr shoves Acceptable backwards and he goes over the broken turnbuckle. He starts climbing back in but someone grabs him from underneath the apron. He gets counted out at 6.51.

Uh...weak ending to a pretty average match...predictably. **

The guy who was holding him is the Masked Superstar from last week. They brawl and Acceptable eats ring post. The Masked Superstar has a chair but then MVC make the save. New stable? Makes sense I suppose, and here's Infinity to say hello.

Beatdown on MVC and Mr. Acceptable as well as Dick and Barn, which seems harsh. Highone steals the Aftershock Title for some reason. Apparently Infinity ‘own the fed'.

Kermit and Bruce talk about something backstage. Bruce sees a bright future for Kermit and then guesses his phone is going to ring. He's a time traveller!

Commercial break.

Stephen LePage is in the ring to introduce the guy from the STRONG~!! segments they've been airing. Well this should be interesting I guess. This is an exclusive interview, LePage explains and STRONG~!! gets a pretty flashy entrance and he's...uh...Screech from Saved by the Bell minus the sex tape. The crowd reacts like this is the second coming of the Gobboldy Gooker, but I guess that's the point. STRONG~!! - real name Stevie Strong - tells us his mom is friends with Commissioner Stern apparently but he insists that he is so a pro. wrestler. Well that's just great.

He's interrupted by...uh...Ian Sick? Do I remember him? Someone called Agent Orange is back, he says and he's going to fight him RIGHT NOW. This is bizarre.

Agent Orange vs. STRONG~!!

Stevie tries a handshake to start, but Agent Orange (who lives up to his name in his bright orange outfit) slaps him and punches him in the corner. Choke on the ropes and a referee finally arrives to break it up. Stevie looks like he wants to submit, but Agent Orange hits an enziguri to cut him off. Stevie tries to escape, but Orange puts him in the tree of woe and Ian Sick distracts the ref. while Orange mists the little guy, only to be DQ'd at 1.15.

Mercifully short. DUD.

So Stevie wins his debut match and Sick vows this isn't over. Great. They hype Stranglehold: it will be awesome, Banter says.

I'll have to take your word for that.

Strikmore vs. Hardy - SGR: Drakus

Drakus comes out first with his full entrance. Seems like overkill, but it's not like he has anything else to do tonight. Hardy is next, drawing a bit of heat, but it seems kind of mixed. I don't know if that's because the fans like him or because they're just not sure whether he's supposed to be heel or face at the moment. Strikmore arrives and he's crazy over, by the looks of things. Tex promises that this'll be a slobberknocker. Oh good.

The two lock up, and Strikmore gets pushed into the corner. Drakus makes no attempt to break it up and Hardy just lets him out eventually. Strikmore takes over with a hammerlock after another lockup and Hardy makes the ropes. Drakus does nothing again. Strikmore breaks it up and it's clear that this is going to be pretty screwy. A third lockup and Strikmore gets a wristlock. A couple of reversals and Hardy punches Strikmore in the head. Irish whip, dropkick and a chinlock while Drakus does exactly nothing. I want this guy's job.

Strikmore escapes and comes off the ropes with a clothesline. He covers, but Drakus ignores it. Strikmore goes to complain, and Hardy gets a forearm while his back is turned. Hardy whips Strikmore again but this time misses the dropkick and Strikmore gets some kicks in, working the abdomen. Irish whip and Strikmore spears Hardy in the corner and some jabs to the ribs. Whip across the ring to the opposite turnbuckle, but Hardy moves when Strikmore charges and he eats turnbuckle.

Hardy delivers an axe-handle and some punches followed by some kicks in the corner. Fake Irish whip back into the corner and Hardy hits the Olympic Slam. He covers...and Drakus still won't count. Tex says this is our "first legitimate pin opportunity" whatever that means. More punches, another Irish whip followed by a leg lariat and Hardy sells the rib injury a little. Top-rope hurranacrana but Drakus still won't count any pins. Strikmore rolls up Hardy as he complains for...nothing again...

Hm. Hardy kicks out (though he might as well have lain there and gotten his breath back) and fights back with an elbow. More Irish whipping fun and Strikmore barrels out with a knee and a DDT. Everyone is out, but Drakus isn't counting anything. Maybe he can't count? Did they ever think about that?

Finally everyone is up and Strikmore gets a fireman carry-gutbuster for nothing again. Another Irish whip and a spear. Cain plays up how Strikmore is working the ribs. PSYCHOLOGY~!!

A legdrop for nothing again. Drakus is actually faking yawns, which seems sort of out-of-character, but I can sympathise. Hardy and Strikmore trade blows before Hardy takes over and, can you believe it? Yes, the fifteen millionth Irish whip of the match and then a shining wizard. Hardy doesn't even bother pinning now, instead going for a 450 splash, but Strikmore moves. Hardy is selling the ribs pretty well here. Strikmore recovers and gets the Argentine Coaster and covers, but there's still no count from Drakus.

Strikmore is complaining, and Drakus gives him the finger. Strikmore pushes the referee and gets promptly DQ'd at 8.42.

Perfectly acceptable wrestling, but the gimmicky ‘no referee involvement' and lame finish loses it a star. **1/2

Winner: Hardy, by disqualification.

Everyone starts brawling while Tex tells us that this is the first time Strikmore has ever lost, which seems like a pretty cheap way to end an undefeated streak to me. We go to commercial as everything breaks down.

Darkness vs. ???

Darkness has a mystery opponent! The Goldberg-ripoff entrance is getting a bit old now, but the fans are as into it as ever. They hype his match against TI at the PPV with Freya in his corner and I assume his opponent is going to play into that somehow. I was guessing Freya herself, but I was wrong.

It's....Acid Misfit! Coolio, I guess. The ring announcer describes him as "the incomparable" which is nice, but kind of ignores the two months between him losing the title and running off to Japan that he was pretty much nobody. That would be thanks to Darkness being their main event guy at that point, of course, so I guess there's some real world issues in this match. Hopefully they can put it aside.

Misfit hair update: green this week.

Misfit gets a good reaction, so maybe he's in store for a push. I hope so. Darkness can't do surprise apparently. Lock up and Misfit is into the corner straight away. Darkness breaks and backs off. They circle, and Misfit hits an armdrag and a snapmare. Darkness nails a nice ‘rana, but Misfit won't sell it and is right up only to be brought down with a drop-toehold. Darkness hops into a headlock which gets reversed into a back suplex but Darkness lands on his feet. They go into the ropes, and Misfit bounces them back only for Darkness to roll him up for 1. Great sequence.

I thought they'd break for applause or something, but Misfit kicks out and Darkness is on his front so Misfit can pick him up straight away into a full nelson bomb with Darkness reverses into an arm-drag in midair. Sweet! Tex actually seems confused by the very physics of the move.

Misfit hits a dropkick and then drops a knee which misses. Darkness is up with a waistlock and tries a back suplex, but Misfit reverses it into a bulldog. He covers for 1.

Darkness kips up and nails an armdrag. Misfit is up and hits off the ropes with a flying elbow. Double kip up and an exchange of armdrags! Tex makes the same point I just did about them not breaking. This match is pure workrate.

Misfit tries a crucifix pin but Darkness rolls through, still hanging on to his opponent and Misfit reverses it into his Spinal Remains backbreaker. He covers for 2. Darkness kicks Misfit in the face as he stands up and then does a weird backwards roll thing to his feet followed by martial arts strikes and an elbow strike that Misfit oversells like he's the ghost of Curt Hennig. Darkness covers for nearly 2.

Misfit is up and they trade some punches. Irish whip from Misfit and then he ducks a clothesline before getting the Cretin Hope. It only gets 1 though. Misfit pauses to catch his breath I guess, but Darkness doesn't wait for him, nailing a bunch more martial arts strikes that push him back against the ropes. Back-body drop puts Darkness on the apron and then he goes a springboard ‘rana! Never seen that from Darkness before and I won't this time because Misfit catches him and gets an atomic drop followed by a DDT. Goes for a cover, but Darkness turns it into a fujiwara armbar but then Misfit reverses that into the Clampdown. Darkness actually gets to his feet with Misfit still holding on and drops to his knees, releasing the hold. Ok, that was cool. Tex theorises that maybe Misfit will be joining Infinity if he beats Darkness. I don't think so, somehow.

The fans are pretty much split with a nice alternating chant for both guys. Darkness tries a superkick, but Misfit trips and gets a bridge for 1...which Darkness flexes up out of. Looks for a piledriver, but Misfit reverses, only for Darkness to hold on. They stumble towards the ropes and Darkness grabs them, but instead of breaking he lifts himself up and balances on them upside-down. Seriously, go find this on YouTube if you didn't catch this show. He then bounces into a moonsault! Just a crazy, crazy spot. Totally unrealistic, but it still looked awesome. Darkness covers, but only gets 2.

Misfit elbows Darkness and tries for a belly-to-belly, but Darkness gets a choke and tries the chokeslam, only for Misfit to reverse it in mid-air into an armbar. That's pretty amazing. Misfit breaks the hold when Darkness reaches the ropes and hits a northern lights suplex for 1. Darkness with a suplex and a float-over but Misfit kicks out straight away. Double kip-up and finally they face off. The fans are eating this up.

Banter then spoils my good mood by mentioning that this match has a 15 minute time limit and HMMM they've been going for quite a while now, haven't they? Ok, I guess we know how this one ends then.

Darkness with a monkey flip and then tries a moonsault but Misfit catches him. Emerald Froison for a near fall. Cain takes time to tell Tex what that move is called (and gets it right too!) as well as guessing he picked it up in Japan. Come on, Cain, it's dropping a guy on his head, not karate - you don't have to go to the other side of the world to learn it.

Misfit gets a flying headbutt and covers about two-thirds of the ring, but Darkness moves and segues it right into an Eponymous DDT only for Misfit to reverse it into a northern lights suplex with Darkness then reverses by landing on his feet. Misfit turns and hooks his arms and tries the Bad Brains, only for Darkness to reverse that into a backslide that gets 2. Both of them are up and rushing to finish this one, but Darkness trips Misfit and tries for the sharpshooter...and the bell rings at 15.00 for the time limit draw.

Goddamn. ****

Standing ovation from the fans and Darkness - not even sounding that out of breath, which is pretty amazing giving that they just didn't stop - tells Misfit he fought well. Handshake and everyone is friends.

We go backstage and TI is reading some Shakespeare. I bet they just handed him that before the cameras started rolling so he could live up to the stereotype. Bruce shows up and he and TI have words. Pretty cool moment given their history, but this segment, it seems, actually has a point.

Because no one can ever remember the Bleeder Title rules, they're changing them. From midnight tonight, the Bleeder Title can change hands anytime the champion is bleeding and gets pinned, as long as it's on TV. That's pretty neat. Every match involving the champion is therefore "a potential Bleeder Title match" now, which takes the belts back to its roots after the mauling it's received these last couple of years.

Titanium Insomniac vs. Dante

This isn't the main event? Okay then.

Dante doesn't have Selenia with him for some reason and he's wearing black all of a sudden. Did she die and no one told me? Tex says she "hasn't been seen in a week or two" so maybe this is the start of an angle? Not sure. Tex proves that he has internet access by talking about the NHFC being a "spent force" (which I think were Meltzer's exact words last month) but points out that Dante is still the guy with the belts.

Dante attacks before the bell starts with chops and right hands followed by an Irish whip as the bell rings and an elbow on the way back. Dante stomps and covers for 1. Dante continues brawling with right hands and chops into the corner followed by an atomic drop and a clothesline before covering for 2. Tex and Cain chat about what's on the line in this match and hype the Stranglehold matches involving the two of them. Dante repeats the whip and elbow spot, but TI reverses into a neckbreaker this time and then lays into him with his own punches. Dante rakes the eyes but gets kicked in the chest and then TI hits a snap suplex and an elbow drop. Dante reverses into a small package though for 2! Good stuff so far.

TI tries a choke, but Dante headbutts out, chops, and then tries a brainbuster but TI reverses it into a suplex to the outside. TI follows him out and whips him into the ringpost. Atomic drop and TI rolls into the ring to break the count before taking the champ to the announce table. They brawl and TI gets the advantage. He misses a fistdrop off the apron and eats table though. Dante with even more chops and another rake of the eyes. Dante breaks the count, and then clotheslines TI into the announce table, sending Tex, Banter and Cain running as he spills over. Double-axehandle to TI off the announce table.

Dante brings TI back into the ring, elbow- and leg-dropping him on the apron before snapping in a figure-four. Tex says its one of TI's signatures...uh...sort of, I guess. A near fall or two until TI finally turns it and they break it up. Dante hits a dropkick and pins for 1. Tex remarks that Banter is quiet and Banter explains that it just isn't that kind of match - what? A good one?

TI counters with a jawbreaker as Dante picks him up and delivers a big elbow. Tries a Boston crab, but Dante twists out and then snaps on a side-leglock. PSYCHOLOGY~!! TI gets to the ropes and Dante breaks at 4 but receives an eye rake for his trouble as he stands up. Dante reverses a suplex and slips onto the apron. Locks in a sleeper from outside, but gets brought in hardway and then receives a knee to the face. TI covers for 2. Tex starts talking about time-limits again, but this one apparently has 30 minutes for some reason (???) so I guess there's no danger of that.

TI snaps in a chinlock, but Dante fights out and gets whipped. Atomic drop and then a cobra clutch! Dante tries to get to the ropes, but he can't reach them. He throws himself at the turnbuckle and pushes both of them onto the canvas but TI won't let go. The fans are behind him, but there's only so much Dante can no-sell. He gets to his feet and finally, while the ref. is busy asking him if he quits, he gets a low blow. The fans actually cheer, so I guess Dante is now on Mount Perpetually Over.

Dante stands up and walks right into a small package for 2, but he shifts his weight and gets the 3 at 12.18!

Nice match. Shame the work on the leg didn't play into it more, but it was a decent old-school brawl with a neat finish ***1/2

And TI is PISSED OFF~!! He attacks Dante and suddenly Infinity all show up. Big beatdown on the champ and Banter starts ranting about how Acolyte is injured and Darkness just doesn't care or something. Highone and Hammer double-team Dante as the crowd start up a Darkness chant. TI is holding back and I guess he knows what's coming.

NHFC's music starts and it's a surprise attack! Aco's back! Darkness and Aco come from the crowd and start cleaning house, but it doesn't last long. Darkness is somehow pussified by Infinity - maybe he's worn out after his match with Misfit? - and they get their asses handed to them. Darkness gets busted open by TI's cane, Aco gets dumped, and Dante gets a Tiger KO from Highone.

Infinity celebrate as the NHFC look like bitches on the outside. This seems kind of counter-productive to me, but then Tex says that they got beaten up because they were outnumbered and maybe they need to find some friends... a-ha...I see...

Some more crap backstage with Professor Evil. Some kid mistakes him for Dr. Evil from Austin Powers so he steals his pen. Great.

Elsewhere...

Bruce talks with MVC. Futurama get namedropped, and Hawk mentions all the tag teams Bruce has been in. They shake hands before Hayes starts asking about how everyone is weird in TCW, but Bruce doesn't know what he's talking about. "See I'm a former time travelling cop gone rogue, only now I'm being punished by my crimes by being restricted to this timeline," he tells them, which is a pretty good line to just drop into conversation. MVC look a bit shaken up, but Bruce goes on to say that, from now on, there's no ban on anyone holding a singles title going after the tag straps. That's one way to encourage the tag division I guess.

Hammer vs. Highone

Oh, this is the main event. Let's hope it lives up to the last two matches then. Highone comes out with some rapper. Great. Hammer comes out on a golden throne carried by Ghetto Grass. At least that's funny.

They square off and suddenly we're joined by Infinity. It's all pretty tense as Highone and Hammer start trash talking and then...FINGER POKE OF DOOOOOOM~!!! from Hammer.

Yeah. That's it. Hammer covers for 3 at 0.24. DUD.

We close with an Infinity circle-jerk as Hammer celebrates.

Overall: Things picked up in the second half of the show with one decent match (minus silly refereeing) and two excellent matches to round it off, with one being truly exceptional apart from the time-limit draw finish. Silly ending, but what else do you expect? Bruce is back, and MVC are getting more and more over by the week. A nice lead-in to Stranglehold if you ignore most of the comedy stuff at the start. Would have been nice to see something of Freya given that she's a part of TI vs. Darkness, by the by. Wasn't she supposed to have a match with Shadow tonight?

Four stars!