Cain: And somehow, this match is still going!

Kinsen stands up, and moves in to do the same to Izumi, but she reverses behind him, and jumps on his shoulders, flipping quickly backwards and pulling his head down with her legs, spiking him headfirst on the mat!

Tex: Whoa! That came out of nowhere!

Cain: That's a new move for Izumi...

She quickly pins...

One...



Two...



Three!


Tex: And that's the match! Izumi retains!


Izumi clicked off the tape. "And that's title defense number one!" she said, pointing a finger in the air. "I'm starting to feel like Chyna."

"You're really enthusiastic about your profession, aren't you?" Adam replied.

The two of them were in Izumi's new company-provided apartment. The living space wasn't particularly large, but at least it was clean, and they had TV and unfiltered Internet. Despite MacDonald , things could have been worse.

"Of course I am, deadman."

"What did you just call me?" Adam gave her a death glare.

"You heard me...wow, you're too serious."

"Death is serious."

"Not if it's clowns dying."

"Not amusing either."

"If you can't laugh at yourself a little, then I don't know what to say. How long have you been dead, anyway?"

"Whatever. I don't care. You have better things to worry about than your silly profession and making tasteless jokes. You cannot just act nonchalant like the End Times are not here. Because every second that ticks away the war is being fought, and every second you waste, you could be doing your part."

"No, Adam, I haven't forgotten." Her voice lowered, to a more serious tone, "I want to know. I want to know more about this war...I never even considered things would turn out this way. I never thought some of the denizens of Hell could be our allies..."

"The only thing I'm aware of is that there's a greater enemy known as the Abyss who fought a war with Hell as the prelude to all of this. Besides that--I'm the wrong person to ask."

"Darkness."

"Of course. He's yours...and my...last hope."

"To think for the better part of last year, I considered him mankind's greatest enemy..." Izumi trailed off.

"Funny how destiny works."

"Eh, I don't believe in destiny." Izumi smiled. "I'm a free will kind of girl. And right now, I'm going to exercise my right to free will by going straight up to him and getting all the answers out of him!"

She started for the door.

"Izumi, you can't just-"

She stopped, as a piece of paper had been slid under the door.

---

"You've done quite well for yourself, Bundy!" Adam Wilson said.

"OOK! OOK! OOK OOK!" Dynamite Bundy said, as he jumped up and snatched away a banana out of Wilson's hand.

"Your next match has been booked already, and is going to be against this girl!" He showed him a picture of Izumi.

Bundy took it, and let out a curious ook, turning it around a few times in his hands.

Then he slobbered on it.

Wilson breathed a sigh of relief. The match had ended in loss, but Bundy wrestled well, and at least it wasn't a bloodbath. Not like that debacle with Bleeder...the one that had turned his ape into a monster in the eyes of the fans. He knew Bundy was strong, but that match...he knew a good amount of it had to be on Bleeder, living up to his name.

The whole thing had been just one wild rollercoaster. He had no idea how much longer Bundy was on contract to TCW, but he hoped he didn't have to babysit him here much longer. He had a tendancy to...

The door clicked open, and Wilson whirled around just in time to see him bound outside..."HEY!"

A tendancy to run away, indeed.

---

"Oh my God, I'm doomed!" Izumi squealed. "That monkey's gonna murderize me, I tell you!"

"Ape..." Adam said.

"Same difference! This is not good! I can't face him!"

"Why not?" Adam smirked.

"Because," Izumi started, "if I lose to him, my career is going to go down the tubes. You understand? I'll never recover! They'll remember me as the girl who got beat up by a monkey."

"Ape," he corrected her again.

"Whatever!"

"Izumi, that ape is a wrestling champion in another country. There's no shame in losing to him. Bleeder got beat up by him."

"Bleeder's a demon. He was just amusing himself...wasn't he?"

"Regardless. His match with Freya. That was competitive...I think he's well proven himself beyond just some joke. Although it would be funny to see you after getting pinned-"

"That's not funny!"

"Well, now you know how it feels." Adam smiled.

"...You know what? That's it. I'm not going to worry. I'm not going to be afraid of some vicious ape. I need to take the reigns and act right now." She walked into the bedroom, and emerged a few seconds later with a steel chair.

"What?"

"I'm going to fight, for Bleeder's sake, and prove I can't be beaten by some animal." Izumi gave him a wicked smile. "This could be one of the most important matches of my entire career!"

"Don't you have more important things to worry about? Didn't you just get done saying-"

"The fate of the world can wait! I've got a monkey to catch!"

She pulled open the door, and let out a scream, as the beast struck.

It tackled her to the ground, and attacked her with slobbering kisses.

(Ack, how did I end up quoting my own post? >.< Disregard this.)

The nano-fic alphabet of Aaaagh to Tango.

‘Aaaagh! Adam, get him off, he’ll rip my arms off...I can’t defend my title with no arms!’ Wailed Izumi.

‘I...don’t think there’s anything in the rules against it.’ Deadpanned Adam.

Finally the ape hopped off of Izumi, gave Adam a quick glance and decided cuddles were not the warmest or best course of action with this human, and so started making miming motions towards his mouth.

‘...What....what does he want?’ Asked Izumi.

‘I...think he wants something....to eat.....’ Said Adam, unsure.

‘Bananas! Monkey’s love bananas!’ Declared Izumi, getting up and brushing herself off.

Bundy wanted beer.....

Bananas were in short supply in Izumi’s apartment but there was:-

5 Folding steel chairs in the bathroom.
1 set of ring steps under the kitchen sink.
1 kitchen sink.
3 Ninjas.
0 Ninjas, you didn’t see the Ninjas, they were never there.
2 Fire Extinguishers, not to be used on actual fires but good for spraying in people’s eyes during a fight.
1 20ft Ladder under the sofa,
6 folding tables dotted about the room covered over with table cloths, or in one instance tiled to make it appear part of the kitchen.
1 lead pipe, under the fridge.

Charleston rubbed his aching forehead, what had gone wrong this time he pondered as he felt a soft mattress underneath his aching shoulders? There were handcuffs...on his wrist! Maybe he’d caught that goddamn monkey! What was he doing in his boxer shorts, pretty snazzy boxer-shorts as well?He glanced over to where the other end of the handcuffs led...something lay snoring, almost inhumanly, underneath the duvet next to him. Charleston mentally psyched himself up by going through the entirety of ‘The Final Countdown’ in his head before taking a short sharp breath and yanking away the duvet...

Demons are a nonsensical bunch really. Embodiments of chaos, disorder, anarchy and yet some of them can be so straight-jacketed by rules and positions and roles.

There, nestled in the darkness between Pentium casings and cooling fans lay the Bleeder seeds. In the heart of the FCI, in the darkest depths of the electronic mail division, those things had lain in wait as part of a plan Bleeder may have long forgotten or simply lost interest in. The bio-organic spawn were ugly infectious globules of poetic wickedness and they were waking, ready to raise Hell, ready to write....

Everyone. Everyone lives, some longer than others. Everyone dies, some slower than others. Everyone loves, something, someone or themselves. EVRY 01, read the number plate of the jet black limousine that sped away from FCI central headquarters and wound its way onto the great highways that spread through the US liked fat clotted veins. The man inside was pallid, gross and distended of face, he had headed the electronic division, his devil had infinite RAM and he worshipped it faithfully. His soul was DOS, lost to commands from a lower, wickeder being. Cut into him and he bled black binary.

Fandango was a chubby perky goth chick who had recently joined FCI, on account of a youth spent avidly stamp collecting which had given her some pretty hot skills in postmark recognition. Naturally she gravitated towards Agent Tango who was friendly towards her but whose tastes, being a little more Bowie than Bauhaus, tended to clash as they came down on the other side of the goth spectrum. Fandango liked candle lit nights in a dungeon listening to early Type O Negative, Tango like early nights on the sofa watching Labyrinth. Still, Tango appreciated the ample shoulder to cry on.

God was away on business.

Haiku had been feeling weird for a while. His head throbbed and he couldn’t focus on his computer screen. The constant stream of emails he had to monitor had become just that, a stream, intangible and murky and he had the horrible feeling that something was waiting at the bottom, some sort of shark. He had hated learning to swim as a child for this very reason, no matter how clear the pool, he always felt there was something lurking at the bottom...his childhood dreams were nightmares, images of his local swimming pool infested with inescapable unavoidable sharks.

Izumi sighed as she trudged down the street.

‘So how come we are leaving that killer monkey in MY apartment, whilst we go and get food for IT?’ She asked Adam.

‘Because he’s hungry?’

‘Aaaagh, but why? I bet we get back, he jumps on me, eats the bananas, then rips my arms off and beats me to death with them!’

‘I think that’s a possibility we’re just going to have to risk taking.’

Izumi was not a happy bunny. Izumi wasn’t even a bunny. But for the old mentally-deluded woman at the banana stall, this wasn’t totally the case.

Joke. A Monkey walks into a bar and asks for roasted peanuts, the barman tells the simian they they do not currently stock peanuts, roasted or otherwise. The monkey keeps asking for different types of nuts until the irate barman says “Buddy, stop asking for nuts or I’ll nail your nuts to the wall.’ Monkey says ‘Do you have any nails?’ Barman says no, they do not stock nails, in which case the monkey says ‘Do you have any nuts?’

Orangutan walks into a bar, knocks out the barman, drinks all his beer and leaves. That’s just how Orangutans roll.

Kin-Jiro, leader of the three ninjas popped a head slowly out of the top of the fridge. The ape had almost seen him when it had opened the door looking for something (beer) and he had been forced to squeeze himself into the freezer compartment. His two compatriots had been more fortunate and had taken refuge underneath the ring-steps underneath the kitchen sink. They had believed this apartment disused and so were shocked when a small girl and her pet zombie had entered, even more shocked when the beast had entered. This was going to be a long mission....

Liger. Recently a Japanese zoo was sent a Tigon, by mistake Chinese authorities are frantically claiming, instead of a Liger. The mistake was dealt with by a friendly wrestler, passing through on tour and he was rewarded. Outside of the newspapers, people, in the know, are claiming that the Japanese government have sent 3 ninjas to ‘reward’ the Chinese government for their dubious actions, reward meaning perhaps castration with rusty barbed-wire, that’s just how ninjas roll (silently). Just remember kids, Ligers are wonderful creatures, protectors of the earth, magnificent beasts. Tigons should be shot at birth....with rusty bullets.

Monkey walks into a bar in Borneo and sees a poster for a local wrestling event, sees the Orangutan on the poster and starts beating his chest and screeching. Then he throws his own poop at the poster. Orangutan on the poster is also sitting at that very bar, drinking 5 bottles of bud at a time. Slowly he gets down from his stool and re-educates the monkey on the basic facts of simian life. He rips the monkey’s arms off and beats the little poo-throwing bastard to death with them. He’s an Orangutan, that’s just how he rolls.

No.

That cute little girl wouldn’t lay a finger on Darkness....would she? But there she was on the television, Bundy liked television, attacking his hero Darkness, Bundy liked Darkness. The cute little girl who had gone out to get him bananas, Bundy preferred beer. No. This was not right, Bundy now did not like Izumi. Bundy flicked the TV remote off, disgusted, and toddled off to see if Izumi had any black lipstick anywhere, he was indifferent to make-up but it served a purpose....it was now time for the return of the dark ape they called.....Dynamiteness!

Ook, ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook!

Peabody was an agent of the FCI, he was young, black, athletic, proud, loud, watched too many gangsta movies and was also the nephew of Agent Mashed-Potato. Peabody checked his pistols (custom), his Uzi 9mm (custom), grenade launcher (custom), rocket launcher (standard), bullet proof vest (custom airbrushed to look like a Miami Heat vest) Bowie knife (custom), tazer (standard), pepper spray (standard), pants (custom, baggy), cap (standard,black with FCI in yellow stitch) grill (custom, it read ‘P-BDY’) He then staggered up the gangplank and into the official FCI jet. It was ape hunting season....Hell Yeah Boy!

Questions were being asked of Foxtrot and Tango: How hard is it to catch an orangutan? Why had they spent money on some werewolf woman who sent alarm bells ringing on the FBI’s database? Why did they keep going to wrestling events, were they retards or closet queers? Were they retarded closet queers? If they were closet queers, how come a maid had walked into a hotel room in Japan and found them cuffed together? Did they realise the FCI’s budget didn’t cover this? Did they realise that Agent Mashed-Potato was sending down a third agent to assist them?

Robots are grey, Godzilla is green, Tango, I think your old boyfriend was really mean.
Robots shoot lazers, Godzilla breathes nuclear fire, Tango, I think you’re whom I desire.
Robots are cool, Godzilla was not, I’ll admit it Tango I think you’re hot.
Robots gets junked, Godzilla can die, but Tango I know that you’d never hurt a fly.
Robots are programmed, Godzilla is instinct, my feelings for anyone else have become extinct.
Robots dance bad, Godzilla is worse, but my love for you isn’t rehearsed.
Robots are metal, Godzilla is heavy, but together they can rock just like us....

???

Sonnet stared at his blank computer screen, expect it wasn’t blank....not really. There in the depths of the monitor, in the grey-scale blackness a pair of eyes stared back at him with lenses like shattered mirrors filtered through sepia. His head was filled with words, crimson words, bleeding poetry, sick, slick quatrains through his head. Iambic Pentameter sliced down his spine and sent shivers through his body. The demon in the screen could write him into a major role, he only had to learn the lines and follow the stage directions.
SONNET EXIT S.L. CARRYING MEAT CLEAVER.

Tango and Fandango danced, not a ballroom number, nor a slow waltz, not even a catchy number. Hell, they were hardly dancing at all, they were moshing to the 80s influenced metal of Zero Cipher, a kind of unhappy medium of the girls tastes. Lost in the crowd, lost in at all and probably lost themselves, Fandango chose that exact moment, urged on by some overdriven Duran Duran cover to turn to Tango and say ‘......?’ ‘You think what’s not?’ Shouted Tango in reply, mishearing. ‘I think you’re ....’ Fandango shouted back, voice trailing off....

ENTER SONNET S.L. CARRYING MEAT CLEAVER

For the record, Kamaria would like to state this:
"This is the weirdest feud I've ever been in. It's nonsense.

...I kind of like it."

ENTER SONNET S.L. CARRYING BLOODY MEAT CLEAVER

"...I take that back."

---------------

If you were in a jungle by yourself and a gorilla charged you, what would you do?
Pay him.

---------------

Bundy was pissed.

What's the natural course of action for a monkey...err, ape...to take when they're pissed?

They break shit.

Lots of it.

So when Izumi returned to the apartment with the bananas (and a few extra carrots despite her wishes), it was nothing short of a war zone.

Busted TV.

Broken window.

Holes in the walls.

Even the door had been ripped off it's hinge.

Izumi returned to this scene, staring at a monkey, standing there with two long, messy, black lipstick streaks across his face from his eyes, and incomprehensible black, smeared writing on his chest.

"OOOOK! OOOOOOOOK!" Dynamite Bundy roared, and beat his chest.

Izumi facepalmed. "I fucking knew it..."

"We probably shouldn't have left in the first place..." Adam said.

"Maybe I'd better just give him the bananas and he'll go away."

She tossed him the bananas. Bundy ooked happily...

...and devoured them in seconds.

Licking his cute chops, he started to ook angrily at her again, raising a fist and shaking it.

"I think he wants to fight you..."

"Me?!" Izumi said. "I told you, he'll rip my arms off...wait a second..."

She stared at him.

"Izumi, why are you looking at me funny?"

Slowly, her lips twisted into a demonic smile.

"You do it..."

"You want ME to go in there with him?"

"Why not? You saved my life plenty of times."

"It's your fight, Izumi."

"Why the hell does he want to fight me anyway?"

"Hell if I know. Someone's gotta go in-oof!"

Izumi shoved him into the room.

"Come on, meatshield~!" she cheered.

"Perfect." Adam sighed, and stepped forward, raising his fists. "Okay, you silly ape, you're out of here. Now let's be civil and keep this as clean and painless as possible..."

"OOOOOK!" Bundy charged in. Adam thrusted a fist at his jaw, swinging as hard as he could. Bundy caught it, and pulled as hard as he could...

"YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

It wasn't a pretty sight. A sickening, squishing noise followed by the snap of bone echoed throughout the room, followed by more clicks and pops before a red line, a tear, visibly parted out, becoming wider and wider, revealing bone, blood vessels, muscles, sinew, as they stretched...and with a final pull and a spray of blood, Adam's arm tore in half, off of his body. Izumi gagged...

"FUCK! You son of a bitch..." Adam moaned horrifically, clutching at the stump that now bled cougulated blood. "I'm gonna..."

"Oook!" Bundy grinned, with those dirty, banana stained teeth of his, and seized the other arm, in a repeat performance, the skin, bone and muscle again stretching to their limit before being torn free, and again Adam cried in horror, slumping to the ground as blood continued to ooze from the wide open stumps. Bits of muscle tissue dangled from the open wounds, spasming and twitching crazily without their other halves...

"I can't watch." Izumi turned away, before her ears were assaulted with the sound of bone against bone, as the torn off arms smashed over and over into Adam's face, slowly turning it raw, and red, and bloody, his face shaping into a twisted, bloody mound of skin. His screams became gurgly...

Then it suddenly stopped, and the monkey ooked curiously.

Sniffed..

"Aaaaaaaaaugh...wh...what is it doing?"

Izumi peeked slowly. "He's sniffing your stomach...Oh man, did you eat any of the bananas?"

"I had one."

"You don't need to eat, do you?"

"I still miss the tasteeeeaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Bundy ooked as he dug through Adam's squishy intestines, looking for that vague scent of banana he smelled. He scratched his head, as he pulled things out, tossing anything that didn't look like a banana across the room.

"OH GOD MAKE IT STOP ALREADY!"

Too bad God was still away on business.

Bundy pouted (after most of his stringy intestines were discarded) finding nothing after all. Giving a distinct angry orangutan glare to Adam, he reached out with his long, muscular arms, and seized his neck, before pulling upward..

Riiiiiiii-iiip!

Bundy lifted the severed head, spine and all, into the air, crying: "Ookokokook!"

Dynamiteness had struck again! It's anger satiated for now, he handed Izumi the severed head, sending her a clear message.

Izumi stared at it.

It stared back at her.

"What the fuck are you looking at? Hurry up and put me back together!"

Suddenly, two Ninjas jumped out from under the kitchen sink!

"Now! Get him!"

"OOOK! OOOK!" Bundy bellowed, before bounding out the door, the ninjas in hot pursuit. A third squeezed out of the fridge, waving at Izumi and Adam's severed head before departing just as quickly.


------

Multiple spam mails
Attack my poor inbox today
I feel very sad now

Agent Haiku could only stare at Outlook Express as the e-mails continued to flood in faster than a tsunami, all with a single subject:

Hot demon sex partner sluts waiting for you!

Finally he clicked on one boredly, because apparantly it was so important he needed to receive a thousand e-mails on it.

A red skinned, green haired midget with horns appeared on his screen, let out an evil giggle, and began to sing:

Oompa, Loompa, fuckity foo~
I have a perfect succubus for you~
Oompa, Loompa, fuckity fee~
If you are wise, you'll listen to me~

What do you get when you sit at home alone~?
Bored and lonely and sexing on the phone~?
I have a partner that will light you on fire~
All you have to do, is, hire~

Suddenly, two naked, winged women stepped out of the screen, right into Haiku's lap, and began to lick and caress him, as the song continued ad nauseium...

Haiku only had this to offer:

Sex demonesses
Fill me with warm feelings
I am happy now

10 LET A = LUST
20 LET B = GLUTTONY
30 LET C = GREED
40 LET D = SLOTH
50 LET E = WRATH
60 LET F = ENVY
70 LET G = PRIDE
80 LET SIN = A + B + C + D + E + F + G
90 IF SIN > 666 GOTO HELL
100 IF SIN < 666 GOTO HEAVEN
110 IF SIN = 666 GOTO REVELATION
120 RUN

**********

‘Run, just fucking run and don’t look back’ Screamed the muscular woman at Tango and Fandango.

‘Who are you?’ Shouted Tango.

‘Agent Gabriel, F.A.I.’ The women smirked, drawing a pistol.

‘F.A.I.?’ Shouted Fandango

‘Federal Apocalypse Intelligence. Seems the gates been opened girls, the four horsemen are coming....it’s time to kick ass and take demonic names.’ The woman barked, firing off a shot at Sonnet, who leapt behind the drum-kit, beheading the drummer as he went.

*********

Oompa Loompas. Poison Dwarves. He’d been given them, not so much given, he’d bargained his soul in the pursuit of ultimate sexual ecstacy and this was one of the things he was given in return.

Somewhere on the West Coast, that sea side shipwreck of dreams where fantasies drown on a dirty fucking coast, rutting with the tide, with the fish, with anything just to get some money, to try and claw back towards hope whilst spunk dribbles down dying faces. Somewhere on the West Coast was the Factory. It did not manufacture chocolate, nor confectionary of any kind, unless your tastes lay in hardcore pornography....they made plenty of that.

William Master Bator stood in his office, tapping his foot impatiently, his fine booted foot. He strode over to his desk, antique walnut mock up of a Liger fucking a Tigon, reached between the Liger’s legs and hit the intercom button.

‘Charles, you little rat bastard, the orange sex midgets are missing!’ He barked into the Liger’s ass, what an impractical intercom.

Sometimes you had to make practical sacrifices for total deviancy.

‘Gone, master?’ Drooled Charley over the intercom, Bator regretting having purchased the little shit from his hobo family. All it cost him was for Dirty Old Grandpa Joe to have a go on the siamese hermaphrodite twins.

Bator, sneering all the way, the only way to repress his boiling rage, strode across the room in his fine boots and grabbed up a jar from the shelf. It was John Holmes penis, he yelled and threw it across the room where it smashed against an antique Japanese geisha printing. Formaldehyde dribbled down the wall as the penis lay limp on the plush polar bear skin carpet.

‘Cheer up Charley, we’re filming you getting fucked up the ass by a rhino tonight!’

Where? Where were his seven fucking dwarves? Little Hogan, Nancy X, FUCK Machine, The Black Hole, Heart Break Mid, Gary and Plibb? Was Bleeder calling in the chips? Hadn’t he slaved enough for the demon? Wasn’t his soul for the taking at the bitter end?

Hadn’t he created the viral emails? Not just viral in a computer sense, but in the way they actually possessed the people foolish enough to open them. Curious John Smith has a inkling to see Red HOt TEens XXXFUCKXXXXX and suddenly the downward spiral begins, next day he’s browsing for clown porn and getting off on it, end of the week he’s making clown porn, end of the month he’s killed a lot of people.....

**********

William Master Bator had had an unhappy childhood in the home of Sir Behr Bator notorious politician and violent anti-pornography campaigner. ‘SMASH SMUT! SMASH SMUT! SMASH SMUT!’ His father would yell as he marched along the streets of Derby dragging poor William along behind him, red-faced with shame for his overzealous papa.

The unhappy boy grew into an unhappy teen, until one fateful day, full of hormones, complex chemicals and simple feelings he did not understand, he found a pornographic magazine in a hedge and secreted it home. In truth the magazine was not that graphic, in truth the violence his fathered fostered upon him, upon discovery of said magazine, was exceedingly graphic.

SMASH SMUT! SMASH SMUT! SMASH SMUT!

He’d fled the next day, stolen some money and jetted off to LA. The money didn’t last, but he was determined to. Slowly however, he slipped through the cracks in Hollywood’s glittering pavements and there, sucking on a stray tit of the poisonous underbelly he learnt that everyone has a price and his was relatively cheap.

He sucked and fucked his way up, up and up, still he stood erect, yet still in the gutter and he new there was no natural way to succeed in life, so he turned to the supernatural.

The games demons play on earth, the bizarre politic-ing and overly complex machinations are somewhat less like chess than scholars would have us think. If we must use the analogy, then the works of demons on Earth are like playing a chess game with an autistic child where half the pieces are missing replaced with toy soldiers, marbles and mouse skulls each with their own special rules. Every so often the rules change.

William found himself one day squatting in a ring of intestines from a ,now former, latino lover. In the background, giving light to the dark, a porno tape of Traci Lords was playing in reverse giving off bizarre banshee squeals. He hadn’t know VHS machines could do that. That day he sold his soul to a demon with eyes like cracked mirrors, he become a master of porn, he became another pawn.

************

Orangutan walks into a bar with his friend. If he could speak human, he’d toss two bloody limbs onto the bar and say to the shocked bartender.

‘Don’t worry about ‘im guv’ ‘es ‘armless.’

"Where is that ape?" Izumi said. "Where would I go if I were an orangutan..."

She had been looking all over town for him, but her searches indeed turned up little to nothing. Asking, "Have you seen a monkey carrying around two severed human arms?" was liable to get her some looks. Or have guys in white coats come to take her away. Of course, she wasn't the only one who got looks...

"Hurry up already, Adam!"

Adam followed, blood still pouring from his missing arms, his head loosely wobbling on his shoulders. "You realise how arkward it is to walk like this?"

Izumi stuck her tongue out. "Never been dismembered before?"

"...You say that as if you have."

"But I'd expect you to have lost a body part or two before."

"Keep it up, and you will."

Izumi stopped. She turned around, and pointed a finger right at Adam's nose.

"I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you, I'm not...touching...you~"

SNAP.

"OW!" she cried, pulling back her finger. Blood was already steadily coming from the bite marks...

"I warned you. Next time, you'll pull back a stub."

"You're no better than the orangutan-ooof!"

Izumi turned around, accidently slamming into someone. They stumbled around limply before looking up, and replying...

"...Boooooobs."

"What the?"

It was...a man she had never met before, but looking practically dead. And he had a strange look in his eye, as he repeated:

"Boooooobs."

"What the hell is going on?"

"Booooobs.....booooobs....booooobs..."

The cry began to increase, as they appeared. More like the 'zombie' man. But they weren't after brains.

"Oh hey, look Adam, it's your old friends."

"Oh, good one Izumi." Adam said sarcastically.

There were a bit over a dozen of them, including a man known as Agent Haiku. Izumi didn't know him either, but he had this to offer as he approached:

"Boo boo boob boo boob
Boo bo boo boo boob boob boob
Boob boob boob boob boob."

"This is the sickest thing imaginable!" Izumi cried. "Zombies that want boobs instead of brains?! What twisted, demented fool could have imagined such a perverted thing?"

She looked defensively at Adam. "You better not start on me either."

"I don't even have a libido anymore. What are you going to do about them?"

Izumi looked at the approaching zombies, and sighed, shaking her head. "Well, they want me, right? I'm going to do something insane. Something unexpected...something unthinkable. Something I may regret...but...this is the only way. Adam...go on ahead without me."

She lifted up her shirt.

All eyes turned on her.

"Come here, zombies...that's right..."

------------------------

Blood fountains painted the walls as Sonnet continued his slasher rampage, splitting heads, severing limbs, all the while with Agent Gabriel firing upon him.

SONNET
The time is now...

"Shut up!" she yelled, firing a few shots. Sonnet took one on the shoulder, stumbling back...and then approaching again.

SONNET
The pawns are moving. Soon, we will
control the world with our smut...

"Save your apocalyptic evil plan speeches!" She kept on firing, looking over at Fandago and Tango. "Hey, you idiots, I told you to run!"

"We tried..."

"There's... well...'zombies' outside..."

"...great..."

Sonnet's pitch black eyes turned as the demon puppeteer commanded them, to the clock, before replying:

SONNET
My precense is required elsewhere...
Enjoy your lives while they last...

EXIT SONNET

"After him!"

"Stop." Agent Gabriel said. "Do you not value your lives?"

"Just what the hell is going on?" Tango said.

"It's apocalypse time, like I said. Seems the infection is spreading fast. Thank the maker we're immune..." she said. "It only affects those with a Y chromosome."

"Infection?"

"Any who suffer it transform into lust driven, smut obsessed zombies."

"Porn zombies. Typical. Girls, we'd better grab our shotguns and start popping heads." Fandango said.

"Eh. I always knew men would be our downfall," Tango said.

"If they catch you, they'll take you and have you turned into a sex demoness."

"I'd make a hell of a succubus," Tango said.

"I'd make a better one," Fandango replied.

"Quiet you two! No amount of force is going to stop them. We need to find The Master Bator. The source of the virus. But he's so powerful, all, male or female, to get near him is to fall under his spell. There's one being in this town who can save the world..."

"Who?"

"He who is beyond the urges and mental workings of a mere human..."

She flashed a photo. Fandango's eyes buldged.

"Oh. Shit. Not him."

------------------------

"I've found you at last, dammit!"

Dynamite Bundy looked up in the midst of chugging a beer, pair of severed arms lying on a table next to him. He crushed the can and tossed it aside before signaling the bartender for MOAR.

Armless Adam stood in front of him, with a dead serious look on his face.

"I will be taking my limbs back, thank you."

Bundy returned his look with a taunting glare and shrug that seemed to say, "How?"

"...This is a most difficult situation indeed." He sighed.

The door swung open, and in came Izumi, soaked in blood, and a weary expression.

Adam gave her a look. "What happened?"

"You don't want to know. Just...don't even go there."

Her violet eyes locked on Bundy, and narrowed. The arms were right there on the table, looking straight like something out of a horror movie convention. This was her chance. She stepped forward, carefully, her fingers twitching as she reached right for them slowly...

"RAAARGH!"

Bundy bellowed, snatching the arms and banging them on the table.

"OOK! OOK!"

He pointed fiercly at Izumi, and then at his beer, alternating.

"What? You want me to drink a beer?"

He shook his head, and made some more loud monkey noises, Izumi had to cover her ears as the monkey mimed drinking, then pointed at her and repeated the motion...

"I think he wants to have a drinking contest with you? I don't know, I don't speak monkey,' the bartender said.

The orangutan nodded. Izumi slapped her forehead.

"I'm doomed..."

"Why?"

"You weren't around the last time I got drunk..." She snatched the beer. "Fine, whatever it takes, you dirty ape. I'm going to drink you under the table so bad. And after this, I am swearing off alcohol for the rest of my life!"

She pressed the beer to her lips and took her first swig, the first of many to assault her poor brain...