?

"Stern wants me to fight a monkey! This is ridiculous." Freya was pacing the hotel room, walking around The Children who were lounging on sofas or sat in front of the TV. Along one wall was a row of bags, all ready packed to leave once management sorted out accommodation for everyone. "It's a monkey for fuck's sake, how did it get hired in the first place?!"

"Ape."

"What?" Freya spun around and looked at Darkness who was sitting in an armchair looking sore from his match.

"He's not a monkey. Orang-utans are apes."

"Does it really matter? You're against DeSean, Jason is against Matt, and my opponent throws shit, eats bananas and probably has fleas."

"But did you see what he did to Bleeder?" Gawain said, not looking up from what he was watching.

"No..."

"Then you really don't want to."

Freya grabbed the remote and flicked through channels, ignoring the annoyed cries, until she found what she wanted. "Welcome to the Jungle" played as Bundy was walked to the ring, handed to the ref, who he hugged, and was placed in a corner.

"See! This is stupid. I can't wrestle that, I'll be murdered by animal rights activists."

"Just wait."

There was an uncomfortable silence as Bleeder's music filled the room. Eventually the bell rang.

"This is unfair." Freya just managed to get the words out before Bundy smashed one of his fists into Bleeder's face. Everyone winced. "Oh my god..." Freya sat on the arm of the chair Darkness was sitting in. There was silence except for the TV as they watched the match, the violence increasing. The final bell went and the cameras showed the blood covered ring. The Children sitting on the floor turned to face Freya.

"I'm fucked."

**

Bundy looked out of the window as he was driven though Beijing. It was very different from Borneo, less trees and more buildings. It was also a lot colder. Bundy pulled the blanket he'd been given around him a bit more and hoped it wasn't going to stay this cold all the time.

The evening sun made the glass buildings look pink, which was very pretty. You certainly didn't get that in Borneo.

You also didn't have the problem of needing new bank accounts, mobile phones and apartments just because a government didn't like some of the people you worked with. This new part of his career was going to be very different from the last.

The glass buildings were giving way to more residential blocks. They were smart but not too smart. They pulled up outside one and the driver turned off the engine.

"Here we are." Adam Wilson opened the car door for him and followed behind as Bundy made his way to the front door. The communal hall was white. Very boring. Good looking banisters.

Wilson led the way to the second floor and pulled out a key from his jacket pocket. He quickly checked the number on the key chain before using it to unlock the door.

"This is your apartment," he said as Bundy hurried past him. "Bedroom through there, bathroom, kitchen area. The hot water and electricity should be on." He watched as Bundy knuckled his way around the small flat, lifting anything of interest and 'ooking' to himself. Wilson shook his head. Who thought giving an animal it's own place would be a good idea?

There was a scream and Bundy made a sudden appearance, bearing down on Wilson. He lifted his hands defensively but found himself being given a large hug and wet, sloppy kiss. Well, at least he'd found the bananas.

fter a good half hour of frenzied struggle Adam Wilson had escaped the ape and left with the slight nagging phobia of inter-species rape behind him he was now worrying about leaving the creature alone. Clearly it could be friendly and reciprocate the good will that came from a bunch of bananas but....well he’d the seen the match, he’d seen all the camera feed tapes, all the angles and it didn’t look pretty. This was madness, Valerie Stern’s madness ad it didn’t sit right with him.

He’d had the car turned around, knocked at Dynamite Bundy’s door and got no reply...he didn’t know what to expect from the creature...the TV was on loudly and the door was unlocked, so he entered....slowly...

Dynamite Bundy was nowhere to be seen, the window was wide open and the TV was blaring out a familiar theme tune....

‘OOK OOK OOK! OOK OOK OOK! OOK OOK OOK OOK, OOK OOK OOK!....’ Said Bundy, aping the Spider-Man theme as he swung his way across the city’s roof-tops looking for Green Goblins.

Suddenly, amidst the busy hustle and bustle of the Beijing street Bundy’s eye was drawn to...a woman...wandering into a back alley....she was like the nice woman that had carried him to the ring...but her body glowed with a bizarre aura....he swung down into the alley ahead of her.

‘OOK?’ He asked.

Surprisingly the woman wasn’t surprised...she smiled revealing a glistening row of sharp foxy teeth and suddenly Dynamite Bundy felt the fear, felt the predator’s breath on his neck.

‘There was a fox demon from China,
Who used to feed men into a grinder
then an intelligence agency came calling,
by magic she was forced to fall in,
and to hunt an ape they assigned her!’ Laughed Agent Limerick, as she licked her lips and stalked towards Bundy.

******

Foxtrot and Charleston were on ‘down time’ from the Federal Correspondence Intelligence, for Foxtrot that meant being down about the perceived infidelity of his, now ex, girlfriend and fellow Agent Tango. For Agent Charleston that meat hitting the bars and ordering a big bucket of Budweiser and chilling out, letting their failure to apprehend that ginger ape stay in the office, embedded in piles of paperwork. He was regretting dragging Foxtrot out, since the Christmas party his partner had gotten more and more depressed about that girl and now he was bringing the whole bar down.

Foxtrot sighed and gazed into his bottle of Budweiser. Charleston was tossing beer-mats into their ice-bucket from various angles around their table, it was his particular brand of bar-trick and he liked to keep in practice much to the mild annoyance of Foxtrot whose particular brand of bar-trick was brooding over his ex. To be fair Foxtrot’s heartbroken brooding was to the mild annoyance of Charleston who simply lacked the capacity to either talk things through with Foxtrot or divert his attention to something else....well that was until he happened to glance at the TV by the bar whilst attempting a blind 10 foot beer-mat to ice-bucket toss.

‘Shit....hey Foxtrot check out the TV!’

Foxtrot stopped his moping and started staring at the screen; so did most of the people in the bar (started staring at the screen that is, there was a rampant band of emos at the back of the bar who continued moping) the wrestling was on....TCW......Bleeder vs.....

‘It’s that monkey!’ Shouted Foxtrot.

‘It’s an ape stupid!’ Someone in the bar yelled.

‘Is this real?’ Someone else asked.

‘Is it legal?’ Said another patron of the bar and the background noise built as the match continued...

‘Ape or monkey what’s the difference’ ‘...dult male orang is about 6 times stronger than a human male.’ ‘Whose that guy fighting it? Looks kinda funny....like John Wayne Gacy clown funny’ ‘Gimmme another fucking beer!’ ‘It’s like...I’ve got feelings she doesn’t understand...but Fallout Boy does...you know?’ ‘This is crap, FWRfed is a much better federation’ ‘Shit, you see that babe?’ ‘Get the fuck out of my bar!’ ‘Endangered species, this is wrong, someone should sue this company.’ ‘It’s all fake, play acting, smoke and mirrors you know.’ ‘Hay man, bum me a smoke...shit thanks, Im your best bud.’ ‘I hear TCW are a bunch of satanists...getting banned over here.’ ‘I pay my taxes man, I pay my fucking taxes....just gimme another beer....’ ‘Man....that monkey is gonna kill the guy.’ ‘illegal, sick....’ ‘You wanna come back to mine?’ ‘Lookin at me esse?’ ‘That’s it fuckstain, get out my bar!’ ‘There’s blood everywhere and the ape ain’t finished!’ ‘I gotta use the john, stay put.’ ‘Eat shit and die cocksucker.’ ‘Miller Highlife, Champagne of Beers mother-fucker!’ ‘SMASH!’ ‘It’s over, that monkey moves like Ali!’ ‘ali bongo....paul daniels....’ ‘Sorry, I don’t speak British.’ ‘TCW is coming to Beijing!’ ‘You cun...’ ‘FOXTROT!’

‘Yeah Charleston?’

‘Call head-office and get us a couple of tickets to Beijing....we got a monkey to catch!’

‘It’s an ape stupid!’ Someone in the bar yelled as he was being thrown out of the bar.

*****

A phantom bullet sped through the night air, near invisible against the darkness, and hit the Huli Jing fox spirit Agent Limerick smack in the middle of the forehead. A trail of green ectoplasm fountained into the air as the creature fell shrieking to the floor, DEAD.......um.....DEADER.

‘OOK?’

All was silent now in the street, silent save from the clicking of ghostly spurs as a pair of phantom cowboy boots trudged a few feet above the floor towards Dynamite Bundy. Slowly a figure materialised upwards from the cowboy boots starting with leather chaps wrapped in eerie flame; then a duster coat black as night but just intangible enough to let the true night’s stars shine through in places; the figure had a white shirt peppered with bullet holes and finally its face manifested, unshaved and leathery with a big handle bar mustache and a ten gallon hat. The figure blew the smoke from its Colt pistol.

‘Evening.’ It said in a southern drawl.

‘Ook?’

‘Sorry Ahm late son, Ahm your spirit guide. ‘Capable’ Abel Cain, El Gringo Loco.’

‘Ook.’

‘Never heard of me,’ The ghost cowboy’s ‘tache seemd to droop slightly ‘...no seems most folks haven’t heard of me.’

‘Ook.’

‘Not a fella of very many words are ya?’

‘Ook.’

‘Well let me tell you a story about a man who was born to hunt in what you folks call the wild west...and how this man found a prey so cunning and devious sometimes he was the hunter and he was the hunted....how he tracked was tracked by this prey all across the globe till finally he was betrayed by the woman he loved when she gunned him down....’

‘Ook.’

‘OK, I’m take you to a bar before I get on with my story little fella....but I hope that whatever happens betwixt me and thee, ya’ll spread the word...you were aided by the ghost of ‘Capable’ Abel Cain, Werewolf Hunter....’

The man and the monkey...no...ape, sat in at a corner table in a Beijing bar. Somehow the pair had managed to procure themselves drinks. Bundy gulped his beer, his lips covering the entire neck of the bottle. 'Capable' Able Cain slowly ran his fingers around the top of a short glass filled with an amber liquid. His brow furrowed with concentration, and very slowly he lifted a silvery replica. He lifted the insubstantial glass and drank. On the table the solid glass slowly emptied.

"Now boy, I have a story to tell you. In this world there are things, unnatural things, that shouldn't be a walkin' on this earth. Now, luckily for humanity there's a group of us out there that getting rid of these horrors." He took another sip of his ghostly whisky. "I'm a Templar of the Light, a Shadow Slayer of the sixth circle and protector of humanity. I was sent to new prospecting towns, you know, to keep them safe from the natives and their witchery. Now, the front is a lonely place an' there wasn't as much activity as The First expected. Then she came along. She was..." Able sighed.

"Ook?"

"Exactly. We were engaged to be married when the beasts, the subhumans, the werewolves came down from the mountains." There was disgust in Able's voice as he talked. "They killed the animals the towns people had trouble enough keeping, they came in the night and took what they wanted." He drained the last of his phantom drink and the wispy glass disappeared as he put it on the table. "The leader of the werewolf clan was this mighty great bear of a man, more animal than human. One night I followed him, but they're a wily race and I found myself surrounded and in a showdown. It was me an' him, staring each other down, man and beast when my girl appeared. She had a gun in hand and I thought she'd come to save me. I told her to leave but she just raised it and ended me with a single shot." He made a choking noise in his throat.

"Oook?"

"She was one of them. Couldn’t let me end her daddy."

"Ook."

"I didn't know. I said they're a wily race, they have Infiltrators, they look human, act human, and will breed with humans to further their race. I was blind to that side of her."

"Ook."

"I want your help to remove another. She's close to another Shadow Slayer and he seems unable to do what he should. I don't want another to go the same way I did.

**

"So how are we going to catch him?" Foxtrot and Charleston were in Beijing and wandering the city.

"I have a plan." Charleston said, leading the way down another road.

"A plan?"

"Yes, while you were asleep on the plane I came up with a plan."

"Are you going to tell me what this plan is?"

"No time. Just follow my lead." Charleston picked up his pace and darted through the crowds until he came level with a brunette woman. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop.

"Hey!" Freya cried as she was forced around to face the man now holding her arm. "What the hell..."

"Ms. Green, My name is Agent Charleston, and this is my partner," he waited until Foxtrot caught up, "Agent Foxtrot. We're with the F.C.I."

"I don't care who you're with." Freya struggled to pull her arm free. "You're not in Kanas anymore. You don't have jurisdiction here."

"Actually, we're here to ask a favour."

"A favour? You want a favour from me? Your bosses have chased me, my friends and colleagues out of America, and now you want a favour?"

"Yes."

Freya rolled her eyes.

"It'd look good. Be seen cooperating and you won't look so dangerous." Foxtrot added.

"And what do I get?"

"Isn't coop-"

"Housing." Charleston interrupted Foxtrot. "I know you haven't picked up the keys to your TCW apartment yet. We could organise you a place. Something slightly bigger."

"Really? You can actually do that?"

"Yes." Charleston said firmly.

Freya narrowed her eyes at him. "And it'd be mine?"

"Yes." He felt uncomfortable under the stare that Freya was giving him. He resisted the urge to run.

"What do you want?"

Charleston relaxed. "We're after a monkey."