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The Hammer made it very, very far in the Road to Glory. As one of TCW's brightest stars, he may just prove to be too much of a match for the mysterious Purple Camo!
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Despite her insistence otherwise, I'm feeling pretty thirsty. So I get up and walk towards the staircase...as I head down, I see a brown-haired cracker wearing purple camoflauge and using bad Jerry Seinfeld jokes.

PG: So what's the deal with airline peanuts?

That's probably him. I won't lie to you, I'm a little confused as to why this match was booked. Usually when a wrestler leaves a territory, the promotion uses him to put over their top guys...well, now that I think about it, I've been doing that ever since I came back. So maybe it's time for a change of pace.

I pride myself on knowing everything about my opponents, but I don't know anything about this guy. Maybe if I had talked to Ghetto Grass more about their past...but really, that doesn't fit my persona. I'm the guy that doesn't care about anybody except for me.

Well, Jabbar too. And Infinity, though I don't see those guys as much as I used to. And deep down I do care about the kids. But I won't let them know that because they need to be toughened up. You know what they need to do?

MAN UP DOG! MAN UP!

Ahem. I decide to introduce myself to the man who most likely is my Friction opponent.

Hammer: Well, well, well...you must be the ever popular Purple Camo.

PC: What gave it away?

Hammer: Your pants. I'm Mutaaz Tareef, known throughout the world as The Hammer. What brings you to our neck of the woods, Purple?

PC: It's real simple, Hammer. I've been watching you for several months now. I've seen what you've been doing to the kids that I broke into this business, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you mistreating my kids, and I've come here to TCW to make you stop and give up control of their contracts.

<i>Give up control of their contracts, he says. What was it Alexxx told me about him?</i>

Alexxx: Purple Camo is or at least was the owner of Ghetto Grass' contracts before you showed up.

He owned their contracts...so he probably got a good bit of money out of them when they were employed by TCW. But nobody told me anything about this guy getting any money, so I've just been paying them their usual salaries the past few months, not thinking I was doing anything differently than what TCW was doing.

No wonder he's pissed, and no wonder the kids have been purchasing so much weed lately. They think I can't tell, but I have a sense of smell.

Hammer: OK Purp-...do you have an actual name or what? I feel silly calling a grown ass man Purple Camo.

PC: Steve Montoya. I founded Purple Camo Championship Wrestling and put this group together.

Hammer: Good for you, Steve. Now, I have no problem with you sticking around and talking to these guys for as long as you want...as long as you answer me one simple question.

PC: Go ahead.

Hammer: Your anger with me...it wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're no longer getting a good chunk of these kids' salaries, right?

Steve's pausing. I can tell from the look in his eyes that he's scrambling for an answer that doesn't make him sound like a money-grubbing SOB. Or maybe he's wondering what he wants for lunch. It's tough to tell with potheads sometimes.

PC: I'm just looking out for their best interests, and they don't involve you.

Good comeback. And maybe he does have a point. After all, if they want to be wrestlers for a living, what good would I be to them after I become a big movie star and leave wrestling behind? Oh...he probably means the whole "forcing them to do whatever I want" thing. Is that really such a bad thing?

Hammer: Well, I'll tell you what. You beat me at Friction, and I'll give you whatever you want.

He's not going to beat me anyway.

PC: Sounds good to me.

Our conversation is interrupted by the sounding of a horn outside the Praise Allah X-Press. Looking outside, I see a long black limo parked next to us...first out is my spiritual advisor Muhammad Jabbar, followed by AFI lead singer Davey Havok (who looks an awful lot like Jimmy Jacobs...just saying), and actress Jessica Alba.

I greet Jessica with a kiss, she heads upstairs to presumably go to the bathroom. Walking in just after her is my spiritual advisor...

Jabbar: Mutaaz, we need to talk.

Hammer: All right, what's up?

Mr. Jabbar and I head into the kitchen...he closes the door behind him and I notice a somewhat down expression on his face.

Jabbar: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think Jessica's cheating on you.

Hammer: Oh?

Jabbar: Yeah, and it gets worse...I think she's cheating on you with Alexxx's boyfriend.

Huh. On one hand, Muhammad Jabbar is the man that I trust more than anybody else in the world. Despite his recent mental difficulties, he's still a man whose judgment I trust more than anybody else, and he has never lied to me.

But on the other hand...

Hammer: WHAT?

Jabbar: Mutaaz, calm dow-

Hammer: How the hell can you draw that kind of a conclusion? Are you on drugs? Listen, there ain't no way Jessica's gonna cheat on me, ok? Also, there ain't no way that skinny-ass cracker's gonna cheat on Alexxx!

Jabbar: Mutaaz, you've been too busy to see things for what they really are. You might think you're in a normal, healthy relationship, but you're not. How can I say this that won't make you mad...

Hammer: Say what, Jabbar? You better choose your next words very carefully.

Yeah, he's getting under my skin a little bit. How would you feel if somebody told you that your girlfriend was cheating on you with the boyfriend of one of your trusted confidants? Not very good, I bet.

Jabbar: She's not right for you.

[i]Damn. I wish I had something to reply to that with, but I keep thinking...and I don't. So it's a very good thing that I have to go to the bathroom.

Hammer: We'll continue this in a minute.

I walk upstairs and head towards the bathroom. I hear some strange noises...Ghetto Fire probably left his TV on again. Freak. I open the door and I see...

Hammer: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Looks like Jabbar was right.