...is without a single redeeming feature. I'm not even kidding. It has made me retroactively hate the entire Transformers franchise.

My favourite part was probably when the offensive ethnic stereotype robots said they couldn't read! LOL, black people are stupid! Entertaining.

Seriously. Awful movie. Please don't see it.

Are you surprised? Michael Bay is a direct and septic retard who make garbage for the mainstream idiots that flock to summer blockbusters with explosions! Bay and his ilk disgust me, their movie speak to the lowest common fucking demoniator(?) of human kind...you know, the majority of the world at the moment. People have been fed bullshit like this via TV and cinema for years now and people LIKE THIS! They ARe idiots and they should have their rights to vote in public elections revoked!

For a VERY toxic and honest review I give you:

http://www.spoonyexperiment.com/

I haven't seen one good review yet. I haven't seen the movie yet either.

I'm no fan of Bay's. This movie also smells of sequelitis to a great movie.
Take one part well thought out movie, make it pretty good by spending time making it good.
Enjoy the success. Listen to movie studio that "We have to make another quickly"
Get a script written, cut paste, glue things that worked in the first movie, fill in the blanks, add a big bang, some ethnic slurs for good measure and you have in just a few short months a steaming pile of sequel.

I wasn't surprised exactly. See, I went in with high expectations for the first one and I left disappointed. So, this time, I revised my expectations way down, expecting to come out and say "hey, it was good for what it was", but it was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I thought it would be acceptable action nonsense and, hey, it's Transformers - how hard is it to just have Optimus Prime kicking ass and acting awesome? It's not rocket science.

But it was just offensively, egregiously bad. The action scenes were totally incoherent (can anyone tell these fucking robots apart?) and often utterly meaningless. The biggest, coolest robot - Devastator - doesn't even participate in the climactic fight. He exists solely as a momentary spectacle and has no effect whatsoever on the plot (and don't even get me started on his GIANT WRECKING-BALL TESTICLES - I'm not even kidding). Things happen, and you don't care because the robot characters have no personality: they're one-dimensional caricatures, little more than a series of sound bytes. Prime's big crowning-moment-of-awesome line? "Let's roll." C'mon, Bay...

And when it's not pointless, anarchic action, it's unrelenting, mind-numbing, soul-destroying slapstick comedy. One of the gags involves a woman hitting her head on a hanging plant. Another involves an encounter with a hash brownie. Then there's two dogs that hump each other (are they both boy dogs? I think they may have been). This is actually a running gag, later taken up by Wheelie, a tiny robot who humps the heroine's leg. Remember Wheelie? The little guy with the slingshot who was friends with the Dinobots? Yeah, he also gets to enjoy a quasi-BDSM relationship with the walking set of tits that goes by the name Megan Fox. She tortures him, keeps him on a leash and he grovels at her feet while calling her "goddess". I hate to trot out that old internet chestnut "raped my childhood", but it does seem curiously appropriate to the situation. And I really cannot reiterate this enough: there is a scene where the punchline is "black people are illiterate".

The action isn't fun. The comic relief is neither comical nor a relief. It's a complete waste of celluloid and everyone involved ought to be ashamed they scooped this steaming pile of shit off the cutting room floor and presented it to the studio. Calling it a toy commercial would be a disservice to toy commercials.

Unbelievable.

And by virtue of everything you've just said, it's an absolutely perfect movie for stupid American teenager boys.

Don't you think it's bizarre that people like me aren't the target audience for this though? I'm a 24-year-old university graduate with long hair who grew up watching and playing with Transformers. My ring tone is "The Touch" for fuck's sake. If I hate it, something must have gone badly wrong somewhere.

If you don't count as "stupid to the point of needing to be told to breathe," you're not in most demographics. It's the hidden condition.

I mean, the Transformers part of this movie (and the franchise part of any of these movies) is completely incidental. No one involved here set out to make something good or faithful. So yes if they had set out to make a Transformers movie, you would logically be the target audience, but instead they set out to make an action movie that uses Transformers as its excuse for existing.

Just be glad you live where you do... I'm suffering through endless Burger King commercial tie-ins. If there's whoring to be done, BK is always right there, ready to go!

It makes the whole thing ridiculously transparent. If there was any doubt that this was, like you said, nothing more than a money-grab, one Burger King commercial would straighten you out.